So, Walmart is getting a new look, and a new logo. There are three Walmarts within reasonable driving distance (the furthest one is 21 miles away), and two of the three have new colors — bright green and yellow splashed throughout the grocery area, and new shades of blue throughout the rest of the store. One store is incorporating curved display aisles in their housewares section, while another is displaying shoes and small appliances on flat areas on top of shelves, much like mall shops and places like Boscovs and JCP do.

But Walmart is still Walmart. Beneath the glimmer of new shelves, beyond the brand spankin’ new, gun metal gray shopping carts, and behind the aroma of fresh paint is still the same old, dingy Walmart. The same crappy generic products mixed in with their betters, the same shitty employees, the same management and executives who don’t treat their employees right, the same dictators.

All in all, it’s like slapping a fresh coat of paint on a pile of dog turds, and then adding a sprinkling of glitter for good measure. From a distance, it may look pretty, and the shininess may draw you in, but once you get close enough you’ll see it for what it is.

Of course, there is one upside to the new Walmarts. If you’re wanting to know how to lose weight, here’s a quick way: go to your nearest Walmart, ignore the display of maps telling you what the store WILL look like, and try to navigate it in its current state.

Rating: ☆☆☆☆☆

6:01pm